The Pretenders on Tour

I'm reading that book by Paul O'Neill now and it pisses me off to think how much opportunity this administration had to do constructive things and they fucked them all up. O'Neill was the guy who turned around Alcoa. Alan Greenspan is a friend and thinks he is brilliant. When Greenspan thinks you're brilliant, you're a pretty fuckin' smart guy. He believed in hard-nosed analysis of the facts and in listening to the other side. He said you only have credibility "when you bring together opposite poles", then you have vigorous debate and arrive at a consensus. For the environment he suggested a list of consultants to Bush from both sides of the issue. For the economy, O'Neill and Greenspan put their heads together and came up with a solid, comprehensive plan.

Bush ignored everything. He and his cronies already had plans for all those things (including Iraq, ten days into his term) and had no intention of listening to anyone else. Bush only wanted the appearance of credibility. He brought in O'Neill for his notoriety and reputation, using him as a human shield so he could push through his own ruinous bullshit agenda.

But then Bush loves to pretend. It's all he's ever done, it's his true calling in life. He's a New England dandy who bought a hat and a ranch and convinced millions of drooling hayseeds that he was a cowboy. He's the ultimate insider pretending to be a rebel. He pretends to be a fighter jock/hero, but when it came time to prove his mettle, he hid behind daddy's assless chaps and got the rich boy's deferment, jumping ahead of thousands of others to get into the National Guard (where he was deemed too dumb to fly). While there, he never showed up for duty (coke don't snort itself) and then went AWOL.

Ironic that so many repugnantcan macho men identify with Bush since he's probably the GAYEST president ever--used to be a cheerleader, likes to dress like a cowboy, etc. Maybe it's a rough trade Log Cabin Republican thing. Or maybe it's a case of conservitards secretly craving what they condemn, which has become all the rage in GOP (Gray Old Pervert) circles.


But I think the reason Bush supporters like Bush is mostly because they are birds of a feather. In this case the yellow-bellied Chickenhawk. A Bush supporter is just as big a pretender as he is. If a stupid, pampered, draft-dodging, cowardly redneck can be president and a hero, then the floodgates of delusion are opened to all who wish to hitch a ride aboard the USS Incompetence. They, too, can be the tough guys they've always imagined themselves to be (after so many repeated viewings of action flicks on the USA channel in their parent's basement). Just as long as their pansy asses aren't on the line. They're very brave sitting behind a keyboard rattling their sabers as long as someone else is doing the fencing.

Dignity is Relative, Y'all

I have to wonder if the people who said Bush would bring dignity back to the White House are still saying that after all that has happened. They probably are, since they can never admit they're wrong just as Bush can't take responsibility for any of his myriad fuck-ups. Let's have a review of what is dignified and what is not--

NOT DIGNIFIED-

• Getting a blowjob

DIGNIFIED-

• Stealing elections
• Ignoring 52 warnings of attack
• Getting over 3,000 people killed on 9/11 due to incompetence
• Lost Osama
• Lied to the whole country about Iraq
• Unmasked an undercover CIA agent
• Invaded a sovereign country based on lies
• Turned whole world against us
• Sleazy no-bid contracts with war profiteers
• "Lost" more than 8 billion dollars in Iraq
• Let many more people die during Katrina due to incompetence
• Caused more American deaths in Iraq than 9/11
• Turned biggest surplus ever into largest deficit ever

And that's the short list. If it's only human to make mistakes, then the Chimp-in-Chief is truly subhuman.


It seems as long as you talk to your imaginary friend in the sky and never get a blowjob, you can fuck everything up and you'll still be A-OK with the typical Bush voter. But I guess it makes sense when you consider how this country was founded on some seriously warped Puritan values. It's amazing how much of them we still carry around.

The Puritans weren't searching for freedom when they came here like the myths we're told in our history books. They were kicked out of their homeland for being so goddamn annoying. The only freedom they wanted was the freedom to tell everyone else what they could and couldn't do and to punish whoever they wanted for whatever reason. Everyone in Europe got tired of their preachy bullshit, so England and Denmark finally did the sensible thing and sent them packing.

Hundreds of years later we're back at square one dealing with the same self-righteous, preachy, violent, hypocritical douchebags with sexual hangups that stumbled onto these shores so long ago.