There are Names for my Pain

• Ann Coulter is a skanky horse-faced bitch.

• The next person who sees her should cave her skull in with a lead pipe, put her corpse through a wood chipper and mulch his lawn with it. (I'm kidding, of course. Mulching your lawn with ground republican would be like poison. Nothing would grow for 1,000 years.)

• Her face looks like it was finger painted with pig shit by an 8-year old epileptic having a grand mal.

• It's funny that she's against science since she was obviously spliced in a lab from an anorexic she-male and a mule with Down's Syndrome. Typical of Bush's hypocrisy that he would condemn human-animal hybrids while having this barnyard oddity carry his water.

• She's the only person I know of whose looks and personality could be improved by a shotgun blast to the face.

I know what you're thinking. I am lowering the level of discourse with personal attacks. But that is impossible, because you can't lower what has already hit bottom thanks to Coulter and her fellow conservapigs.

I think it's time to call bullshit on the usual Dem concerns about taking the high road and not sinking to their level. Dems need to finally let their testes drop, take the gloves off and slog it out with the Repuglypricks, attacking from any and every direction using any means possible.

The Repunklicans sat by while she called Edwards a faggot and said she'd like him to be hit by terrorists, that the editors of the New York Times should be hung and that all Liberals are traitors. That's only the tip of the iceberg. Then those same Repigliturds make insincere attempts to reign her in a little like a doting father would his misbehaving daughter. I know it's a ploy to make conservaturd politicians look moderate in comparison, but the fact that they've kept her around all these years is a complete endorsement of her views.

And it does NOT make us just like them to respond in kind. Remember after 9/11 when people argued that going into Afghanistan with force did not make us just like them because they attacked first and made it necessary? They were correct. The same logic applies here. Fighting the Repugnantcans in an arena of their own making does not make us just like them because they drew first blood. They made it necessary for us to resort to tactics we otherwise would not use (because we ARE better than they are), and that makes all the difference in the world.

And can Democrats PLEASE stop apologizing for speaking their minds?!! Recently Jimmy Carter apologized for statements he made about the Deciderator. Why? He just said what was on his and millions of other people's minds. The truth and the facts are on our side, and when we speak the truth we need to tell the Republigoons that if you don't like it, GO FUCK YOURSELVES.

For most right-leaning Americans farts and groin kicks are the height of humor (watch Idiocracy for a more in-depth examination of the Repunklitard soul), so a bareknuckle brawl is the only thing they will understand. And it shouldn't be too hard to win round after round, considering the gross incompetence and stupidity (not to mention cowardice) of the opposition. It wouldn't even go to decision.

So I suggest we attack these gutless pigs like a Great White on a hooked Marlin. From every direction and with everything we've got. Being a true repunklican, Coulter won't be able to take what she dishes out, and she'll crawl back into the same conservitard think tank's diseased bunghole that shat her out in the first place.

I sometimes wonder if Ann has any redeeming qualities at all. I think I found one. Ann Coulter is a biological organism, which means she is mortal and will one day die. Thus, her ability to rid the world of herself and the fecal matter that spews diarrhetically from her sphincter of a mouth is her only redeeming quality and her greatest gift to mankind.

But who knows when that glorious day will come? Anyone who feels it necessary to hasten the regrettably slow pace of Mother Nature, read paragraph two again and, please, be my guest.